Warm Fuzzy Feeling

I’m a light sleeper and a vivid dreamer. But the handful of times I woke up last night, because my limbs got tangled up or perhaps Isaac had shifted, the same vision played in my head. Instead of the usual disconnected dreams or epic sleeping saga, there was one steady projection. Like the lazily shifting screensaver on a desktop computer. Instead of background music or words, there was just a pervasive feeling. Blank space with black ink scribbles tracing figures, shapes and buildings - city scenes of South Korea. The feeling was warm and fuzzy, like coming home, like being balled up beneath a blanket. I felt welcome and loved by the subjects of those dreamy doodles - this place and these people.

Rereading everything I've written, my thoughts today seem more rambling than what I normally write. So consider this fair warning.

It sounds cheesy, but if you’ll stick with me, I’d like to share a few thoughts - about interpersonal relations as I've experienced them since living in South Korea. It's like hundreds of tiny interactions blurred together in my dram to produce that warm feeling I couldn’t shake off.

Basically, I just think the people of South Korea make this place wonderful - to live or to visit for holiday. I'm used to good ol' southern hospitality back home, yet I was still surprised by what I encountered here. Despite living in a big city, where it's easy to get used to ignoring the countless strangers you see everyday, people here still are amazingly welcoming, especially to foreigners like me.

Of course Korean is the official language, but English language and western culture have a heavy influence here. Sometimes locals even feel embarrassed for not speaking English. There is an English language program with an ad campaign now that features foreigners approaching Koreans and asking for help in English. When they ask the question, the Korean person freezes with embarrassment, the company's jingle plays and they tell you to try out their English learning program so this situation doesn't happen to you. I can't even guess how many times people I've met who have apologized to me for not speaking English.

Just imagine that. Travelling to a foreign country, and the locals apologize to you for not speaking your language. It seems backwards, doesn't it? Someone apologized to me just last night for not having a wide range of figurative expressions in English.

In addition to learning the language of many foreigners, most Koreans are also amazingly forgiving and welcoming towards these strangers like me. In my experience, the few who aren't usually soften up if you spark a conversation and try speaking Korean. If a non-Korean utters any of the native language, you receive praise like a baby uttering its first words.

This welcoming spirit towards foreigners is such a common thing, that there is even a segment on the morning news devoted to it. A foreigner with hidden cameras goes into businesses and asks for strange favors. Like it's his birthday and he's lonely and wants a special treat from the restaurant owner; or he wants the server to play a card game with him. The Korean workers always indulge the foreigner, being extra kind to this stranger from far away.

For me, it's the lady at the supermarket who takes extra care to help me with things like measuring produce or using coupons. Or the bus driver that let me ride for free after my tried to use the wrong card to pay for bus fare. The chicken lady that piles extra pieces of fried chicken on top just for me until the container is overflowing. I can think of so many instances of strangers here showing me kindness for no reason

Another aspect of Korean culture gives me that humbled, thankful feeling too is the seniority system.

There is a lot of importance associated with age here. As often as someone asks what your name is, they will ask how old you are. Depending on one's age related to other family members and friends, there are different words and names to call each other and different roles associated with it. 

Older siblings are responsible to take care of younger siblings, who often tease and worry their seniors. This sounds normal I think, but all I can say is that there is more weight given here, especially as far as respecting and obeying your elders is concerned. Like in the end, if your big brother tells you to do something, you have to do it, the end. This seniority system applies to friends and coworkers as well.

Friends who are your senior can exercise their right as the elder if they so choose. My Korean friend here is older than me, and so as an older sister figure I can call her "eonni" meaning big sister, the same name I would call my own sister. My neighbor eonni often exercises her elder authority to do kind things - like treating me to meals. Even though we both have calm temperaments, when it comes to paying the bill, we can both get aggressive. Yet if we are at the register and she does not relent, I feel the need to yield to my eonni's wishes. I make a silent vow to quickly shove money at the cashier next time and try to pay.

This week Isaac and I went out to dinner and just happened to sit down beside two of his co-workers. We extended greetings, they briefly talked about one of their favorite subjects (fountain pens) and then Isaac and I enjoyed our dinner date. As we sat digesting afterwards, we talked a little more with his co-workers and then they bid us farewell and left the restaurant. When we got up to pay a little while later, the waiter told us that our check had already been paid for. Without saying a word, they had paid and slipped away, like some sneaky Santa Claus. And because this happens so often, Isaac's response of frustration seemed normal to me. When your elders treat you like this, it is only natural that you want to reciprocate. But it seems like usually elders will do their best to not let you.

My limited experience in this system has all been positive, but you can probably imagine it can be troublesome as well. Like at a job, if you are the supervisor of a coworker who is older than you. Even if your job title means that your coworker should respect and obey you, a lifetime's experience can make your coworker think that you should obey him.

I think it is not totally foreign to our culture, just more magnified and distinct here. Even as I try to describe it, I wonder if it doesn't still sound similar to my own family. Perhaps it is just something easier felt than described. Imagine how you have felt being treated by your parents or grandparents, so much generosity that you can never hope to repay. It's a morsel of that feeling. Done by people with no familial connection (or obligation) to be kind to you.

So these rambling thoughts are me trying to explain my thoughts as an outsider here trying to fit in. I feel like a warmly welcomed guest. I have found that Korean people are so generous with strangers, as well as with acquaintances and friends. Such undeserved kindness and generosity leaves me with a warm fuzzy feeling. It's a mixture of humility and gratitude that pulls a smile out every time. I hope I can remember this spirit, and maybe carry it back with me to America.

Speaking of America and big sisters, I'm leaving tomorrow to join family as we welcome the arrival of a much-anticipated new member. I wonder if my sister will let me share some photos of my new nephew. I guess we'll see soon enough.